Aug' 17

19

 

BLENDED:

As common as blended families are these days, there seems to be very little dialogue surrounding the topic. I know many and plenty of people that have children with more than one other man/woman yet It’s not a common conversation at least in regards to successfully bridging the gap between multiple families. I hear and see more of the negativity being highlighted for instance the baby mama, baby daddy drama and everything that comes along with that, but we aren't discussing how we can nourish these relationships to ensure that our children and their overall well being are the number one priority.  There’s no guide books or manuals to any of this, so alot of it is trial and error, making observations, and just finding what works for you and your family. 

I don’t think anyone, whether you already have children or not goes into a situation with the desire to blend. However, as common as it is and once you reach a certain age the likelihood of dating someone with an existing child(ren) is high. For some that's a deal breaker, for many it's not so much. Me personally, I accepted a long time ago that he had children and what that meant. I knew what his children meant to him and how critical his role/ presence in their life was/and still is. I understood that some day I would want a child and family of my own and that if it was going to be with him I needed to accept everything that came along with him. 

Two things are critical here, ACCEPTANCE, and understanding that you have a CHOICE and the power to CHOOSE. If you do so happen to pursue a man/woman with a child already, I think if you can truly and honestly grasp those concepts coupled with openness and a shift in perspective when necessary you can set yourself up to building the foundation required to successfully blend. 

Im certainly no expert, and my journey is only in it's baby phase. I speak solely from my experiences. I have my moments where I'm not certain how things will play out, I have had a selfish thought or two or three. However, what has been shown to me is that the first step is the most important step. I trust that when ego, pride and whatever other distractions are set to the side or done away with all together good things can become. My little one will have a relationship with his siblings fortunately because we (the adults) I would go as far as to say believe that there is something greater going on beyond ourselves. And that hopefully will be the fuel needed to successfully blend. Not to say there won't be bumps and obstacles along the way, but where in life does those things not exist, (shrugs shoulders). 

-Coyia