Home: Where the healing happens
This was a special trip home for me. Baby E got to meet a chunk of his family that he hasn’t for the first time, including my father, which was interesting and funny to see. Why ? Because for as long as I could remember, my relationship with my father was fragile. I would go so far as to say non-existent at times. I’ve since come a long way healing the traumas that took shape in my childhood and carried over into my adulthood. I did the work and finally gotten to a point where I knew forgiveness had fully and completely come full circle. It was when I no longer saw him as the man who couldn’t do or be the man I needed him to be for me. After digging and discovering the misguided, troubled, afraid little boy. I no longer looked at him as a culmination of all the mistakes he’d ever made. My forgiveness didn’t make certain decisions right, but at least now I had understanding. I was no longer the victim as a result of my understanding the history.
Knowing the historical background in which my father came from, the emotional language that he spoke, ultimately allowed me to forgive and communicate in a more effective manner. It took time, patience and a certain degree of willingness to learn his history, and if I’m being completely honest, there was a point I simply didn’t care. I saw no reason how that would benefit me.
I know that there’s a weight he carries on his heart. There are still remnants of guilt that are obvious to me even without his verbally expressing that. But it’s not over until it’s over. And one day hopefully he'll completely set himself free. He’s now a grandfather, and to him that means an opportunity to redeem himself in ways only he can understand as a man, father and provider. Life is fleeting and as far as I know we only get one shot at this at least until it's time to move into a different dimension. SO....
Forgive often. Set yourself free always.